Out of the many adorable outfits we have picked out for Winnie, one stands out the most. It is a onesie, and simply reads, "I was worth the wait."
These five words mean so much, to so many parents, for so many different reasons. Some choose to wait until they are "ready." For others it can take years to try for a baby, using all kinds of methods, including in vitro and many fertility drugs. Some choose to adopt. No matter what the reason for the wait, it can take years of heartbreak and waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it now.
Mark and I decided in the fall of 2009 that we were ready to add to our already amazing family. The two kids we have, June and Archie, are more amazing than I could describe with words. Smart, funny, full of laughter and love. We have been so blessed.
Almost immediately we got a positive pregnancy test. It was sooner than we expected, but we were excited and ready for the journey. It was a bumpy pregnancy. At 14 weeks we went in for our normal check-up. When they couldn't find the heartbeat, I thought I might lose my own. Soon after I had to go in for a D & C to "remove" the baby. This was heartbreaking for our entire family. June and Archie tried to understand, but there were so many questions they had that I couldn't answer. "Why" was the biggest one.
Going through a miscarriage is not easy. Sadly, this is incredibly common. I have many family members and friends that have felt the same loss. It took some time to heal, emotionally and physically, but eventually we did. The next question was, "is this what we want?" The miscarriage just confirmed that we wanted a baby. Yes, we were ready to try again.
Trying to conceive was the next step. Sure, it was easy the last 3 times, it would be a piece of cake. Well, this process is actually more stressful than one might think. Oh, sure, just have lots of sex. Easy. But every month, actually, every day that went by..I was thinking about it. "Am I pregnant, am I ovulating?" The day before my period every month was so emotional. "This is the day." Negative. This was not the day, and wouldn't be for nearly 6 months of trying, after 2 months of waiting to heal. My original due date came and passed. I was completely disappointed. Why was this not happening? What was I doing wrong? Maybe my miscarriage was a sign, maybe there were no more kids in my future.
And then my day came. A faint line. The person I first told was Archie (4). I asked him if he saw the line too. His answer confirmed that I wasn't delusional, I was actually pregnant! Thank you God. Please keep this baby safe.
The first 13 weeks of pregnancy always feel so slow. Waiting for that magic first trimester to end. Waiting for the morning sickness to dissolve. Waiting for that fear of loss to subside.
Waiting is the key word. I am nearly 32 weeks now, and I'm so happy. Waiting for this little gift, but enjoying every minute she's still inside me. I am already deeply in love with her. She has been testing me throughout the pregnancy, measuring small, but perfectly healthy other than that. The Doctors keep me reassured that she is doing well by checking her every week.
I know how blessed I am. Some people try much longer and never get the same results. I can't tell you why things happen the way they do, but I can tell you right now, that Winona Lee has been worth every bit of the wait. The next step will be meeting her.
